Did I Really Just Say That?

My husband likes to point out how loud I've become in the last few years.  "You're definitely not the same girl I met in high school," he'll mutter and segue to how, somewhere between litigating and raising boys, the volume and pitch of my speech changed.  Next, he'll nostalgically slip in a few adjectives like nice and quiet to describe the "old" me, purportedly in contrast to the "new" me, who can belt out orders like a drill sergeant on the first day of boot camp. 

And it's not simply the change in decibels that is surprising.  If I catch my breath, sometimes even I don't believe the words that come out of my mouth.  Gone are the days of discussing which Jane Austen hero makes a better suitor--Darcy or Knightley; or what to serve for an afternoon tea--scones or sandwiches?  Nowadays, conversations (and I use that term very loosely) instead revolve around such highbrow topics like how badly one needs to go potty, and the all-important question--pee or poop?

So I started making notes of absurdities uttered during the day that seem perfectly normal now that I'm a military sergeant (oh, I mean, mom of boys).  After one week of careful linguistic observations, I offer a sampling of ten sentences I never imagined would become regular parts of speech:

1. Are you wearing underpants?

2. I don't care if he says he likes it; you're not allowed to barricade your brother inside a laundry basket.  

3. What part of "Library books aren't meant to be used as skateboards" do you not understand?

4. Yes, I suppose it does sound like a fart; but I hope you realize you have other talents worth developing too.

5. That is quite possibly the most awesome supersonic flying automatic weapon you've ever built.

6. Is a booby trap really necessary here?

7. Even if we had more duct tape, I wouldn't give it to you.

8. Does that smell like pee to you?

9. Please tell me you didn't just drop that in the toilet.

10. For the nth time, why aren't you wearing underpants?!?